Adrienne Shelly: a brilliant talent and human who was and who could have been
When Adrienne departed the world too soon, she was at her happiest.
Dear hopeful reader,
I must confess. The first time I watched Waitress (2007), I only knew who made it by name—Adrienne Shelly. I didn’t even know she was in the movie as a supporting actress. I didn’t know anything about her, shamefully I admit now.
I was home alone and wanted to watch a feel-good romantic comedy, and Waitress seemed intriguing based on the description: “Jenna is a pregnant, unhappily married waitress in the deep south. She meets a newcomer to her town and falls into an unlikely relationship as a last attempt at happiness.”
It exceeded and subverted all my expectations.
Romantic comedies at the time and before depicted unrealistic fantasies, far-fetched relationship dynamics, and predictable endings, which I don’t mind—nay, love—to escape reality through. I turn to my beloveds such as Moonstruck, When Harry Met Sally, Flashdance, Working Girl, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Mamma Mia!, Coming to America, and so many more. They’re always an endorphin boost for me.
Watching Waitress was a different kind of experience—more grounded. It certainly has fantastical and magical elements, but subtle enough for it all to be believable. And there’s poetry, creativity, and tragi-humor, making it a mesmerizing wonder to watch.
What makes it down-to-earth is that it doesn’t shy away from portraying difficult themes. It bravely and unabashedly explores the fears and uncertainties around imminent motherhood, compounded by navigating and surviving domestic abuse. Sprinkle in adultery with an obstetrician and you get one messy, raw, human film.
In addition, each protagonist in the movie has a story of their own to tell. Each protagonist seems significant and relatable in their humanity and human emotions, actions, and frailties. Thus the viewers feel interconnectedness and empathy in watching their stories unfold, even when they don’t necessarily agree with their actions and reactions.
Their stories are also closely interwoven with the main protagonist’s experiences and concerns. Whatever words of wisdom—as eloquent or ineloquent they may be—they pass on, Jenna realizes what she has to do.
The ending is subversive, going against how a rom-com would usually conclude. This adds some realism and authenticity to the film—how life could potentially unravel for someone going through something similar in a real-world setting.
All that made it a special watch for me. All that deeply touched and inspired my heart. I laughed and cried. And I cried even more in my second viewing, after learning more about Adrienne Shelly.
Before watching Waitress the second time, I wanted to find out more about Adrienne Shelly. I was surprised to see her credits stop at 2009 with Serious Moonlight. Reading “The late Adrienne Shelly…” hit me like a ton of bricks.
Recognizing her as Dawn in Waitress yet knowing she would never act, write or direct again was confusing and emotional. The loss—it felt so palpable, profound, and personal. And I’m degrees removed—a stranger—it shouldn’t have felt so visceral.
I don’t want to focus on Adrienne Shelly’s death, which we should all still know about, but center her and her life. However, you should know that “she fought like an animal” according to Dr. Michael Baden who performed an autopsy on her.
She wanted to live, she had so much to live for.
When Adrienne departed the world too soon, she was at her happiest. She was married to a loving, supportive husband, Andy Ostroy, whom she met on Match in 2001. They were in love, happy, feeling lucky.
She was awaiting the results from the Sundance Film Festival whether Waitress would get in to be featured—and it did. Days after her untimely death, the notification was delivered. She had so much going for her as a screen writer and director. With each new movie, she gained more confidence and established herself as a blossoming filmmaker ahead of her time.
Adrienne left a toddler, Sophie, whom she absolutely adored, at a tender age of two. Oh how she adored her. In her letters to her daughter, the love, tenderness, care, joy, and gratitude she felt for her are unmistakable.
April 7, 2004
Dear Sophie,
You are nine weeks old today. It’s semi-crazy how much I love you, how you’re so clearly the best and most important and realest thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I well up with tears just looking at you. I have a ton of nicknames for you: Peanut, Monkey, Chicken, Gumdrop, Princess Boo-Boo, Soph-Soph. I love you so much...so much.
Mommy
Shelly’s Waitress cost $1.5 million to make and earned $22 million at the box office. It was well received by both critics and the audience. And in 2015, it was adapted into a musical on Broadway. But people who went to see it oftentimes didn’t know who Adrienne Shelly was, the talented woman behind the original script and camera.
Andy Ostroy wanted to amend that with his documentary.
Adrienne released in 2021 on HBO. When Ostroy spoke to ELLE, he said his goal with the documentary was two-fold:
Well, there’s a primary and a secondary goal that I have. The first is what I set out to achieve, which is to, in a sense, bring Adrienne back to life. To have people get to know her, to like her, to fall in love with her, to mourn her loss, and to appreciate her as an artist, and to the point where they might want to now go and explore her body of work and see her films that perhaps they hadn’t seen before.
The secondary is the film was always intended to be a gift to my daughter. I think it’s the greatest gift I can ever give her, that she will have for the rest of her life as she emotionally develops and can see it in different ways as she gets older and matures.
Certain documental films can be sensational. Seeing a documentary made with utmost honesty, integrity, and care was refreshing and, frankly, how it should normally be. Real lives are depicted and should be shown with respect and dignity for their humanity.
I was profoundly moved by Andy Ostroy’s love and dedication to his late wife. Andy did what he set out to do. He’s shown as many vulnerable and personal aspects of her life as possible: her fear of dying after her father passed away at the same age as she did decades later; her frustration dealing with the pressures of Hollywood to have any remote success in the movie industry; her pursuit of happiness and longing for family and children; her unwavering passion and perseverance for writing and directing stories she wanted to tell her way.
Anyone who knew her described her as funny, sweet, doting, loyal, a unicorn, illuminating, vibrant, smart, committed to her craft, quirky, magnetic and mythical, infectious, an alien, special, ingenious, kind, generous, a beautiful soul. She was a brilliant actress, writer, director, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and human.
She was and she could have been.
There is no silver lining in a tragic, senseless death. Grief can be a lifelong sorrow, and healing a non-linear process. For Andy, it’s been a looming ghost all these years. For Sophie, it’s an emptiness of being motherless for always.
To further honor Adrienne Shelly and keep her memory and legacy alive, Andy founded the Adrienne Shelly Foundation to support women filmmakers with grants and scholarships. Grant recipients include greats like Cynthia Wade, Chloé Zhao, Dee Rees, among others.
I have a wanting to know a bit more about an artist now whose work I’ll take in. To honor and celebrate them while they’re with us, to mourn and commemorate them when they cross to the other side.
Yours hopefully,
Nadia
Gosh Nadia, this is so beautiful and heartbreaking! Thank you for sharing this with us all x
One of my favorite films of all time is Trust by Hal Hartley, starring Adrienne. That’s where I first discovered her. I hadn’t heard of this documentary before but I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for this lovely post.