Do you feel punny, pun-k?

How a joke was born from pain

Sylvester Stallone in Rocky II

Dear hopeful reader,

Two nights ago, it took me hours to fall asleep. Like most nights anyways. My bladder was taking me to the bathroom every five minutes, my heart was racing a marathon, my lungs were coughing out fumes (long story about an oven and a pie), and my sciatic nerve was unnerved from all this.

But all I could think about were scallions. Let me explain. Occasionally I get stir-fry from honeygrow. If you can call occasionally every few days since I discovered them and am now obsessed. And while I hate onions, I don’t hate scallions, so I mix them in.

Why was I thinking of them at my most painful? Who knows. But je suis artiste, so I artisted the lamest pun I know only my husband would love, and the Facebook crowd—out of politeness, I’m sure.

You may be asking now, “But Nadia, why is there a photograph of Sylvester Stallone?” And my answer is: Well, why not Stallone? And, are you ready for this?

Well, here goes nothing:

What do you call an onion from Italy?

The Italian Scallion.

Now you know why the two go together. And I know, I know. I’m hiding my face now in embarrassment. But at the moment, it seemed ingenious. I even googled to make sure I didn’t steal it from anyone else, because I heard from unreputable sources some famous comedians do that. And I’m not about that!

(If I accidentally stole it from you in my painfully fever-dream state, please forgive me and let me know so I can properly credit you. I swear, I didn’t mean to connect with you telepathically. (But if I’m the first creator of this puntastic mess, you better not steal it from me. I’m looking at you, Amy Schumer, who didn’t steal jokes—yet.))

Prompt:

Now it’s your turn. Think of a vegetable or an object you’d use at school. Make a punny joke with it. Share it in the comments below so we all have a cringe-y time together.

Yours hopefully,

Nadia

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