So very glad for this post, Nadia! As a write i admire, it’s so cool to see what inspires you and what has you thinking. The biggest thing that stood out for me was that quote on relationships. I’m definitely the person who has walked away from a relationship in silence without explanation to people who have hurt me greatly. In some cases, it was mutual and I only realised after I initiated contact again with the same results or lack of interest in actually wanting to hash out the past. Other times, it stemmed from my trouble with confrontation and conflict, believing that my silence is powerful enough to answer all questions but remaining curious past the relationship if I have dented the scar deeper by not being open and honest about my hurt and perspective. However, I don’t dwell on those moments anymore. I believe that communication is a two way street and in my case, I was usually the one driving on both most times. But I definitely love your insight on the importance of communication, especially with a life partner. I often question why my friends stay in relationships that seem to be filled with more fights than fun in my eyes but I had to accept that when you love deeply sometimes you have to fight to keep the fun.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your experience in relationships. Your heart was always in the right place, and you did your best by being committed, and even wanted to see if your relationships could evolve. In time, we learn how to be better communicators and also discern who is invested in us and who uses us. I admit in my youth I used to walk away without a word, but mostly due to not knowing how to be a good communicator. I had so much to unlearn and learn about this great quality. I use ghosting and no contact as a last resort and mostly for self-protection. Also relationships should be fun. Of course, there will be fights, but they shouldn't feel existential and oh so painful. But the people in their relationships probably know better or will learn what is best for them in the end, eventually.
I 100% agree with all of this and thank you so much for sharing your experience with communication during your youth! You are so right about those past ghosting setting us up for better communication because all in all, those who are not in our lives any longer (in regards to friendship/relationship endings) was a lesson to shape a better future. Overall, I still hold love for anyone who was important to me at one point in time regardless if we still talk or not. But I definitely know better and am more confident and aware of how to express my emotions and thought in a way to help others understand why I am acting how I act. Of course, all kudos to my old therapists that have also helped me be aware of where I can do better!
Really truly love this post, Nadia! And really hope for more ‘stuff and things’ in the future 💚 As a supporter of your community, really value how you always are so open to sharing your thoughts, insight and talent with a sense of fearlessness to how people might take it! The ones (like me) who love it, will always continue to show the love!! So thank you deeply for being a great inspiration!
When we talk about our imperfections we open up the conversation for others to share themselves as comfortably as they feel safe to do so. It's what makes us human and relatable. So I wanted to be honest and I also appreciate when others are honest about themselves too, to whatever degree they feel safe to share themselves. I'm glad it has been better for you in the communication department. And that also others have been empathetic with you. When we meet others with empathy, as long as they don't hurt us on purpose, they feel more comfortable to be themselves and be better. That has been the case for me when my husband has been so uber patient all these years when I was relearning to be a better communicator. I so appreciate your lovely comments on my posts. Fortunately, I feel that for the most part, people welcome candor, honesty, authenticity, and opinions. Your genuine nature and writing always inspire me!
Very true! I’m so grateful for discovering this writing platform that has taught me even more about how vulnerability and opening up can be a beautiful thing! What a better way to practice communicate than by writing ✨
Haha! Enjoy ;-). My goodness, Whalefall sounds outrageous and my jam! Thank you for the recommendation. Also, the word--so poetic. How do people come up with words like these? :')
Well, I learned when I read the book that it’s an actual term for the final descent of a whale into the great depths of the sea after it dies, where it becomes nourishment for so much of life. The way he describes it is quite beautiful. 🐋💙
Really enjoyed this read Nadia! Wow, I picked up a little! As far as Scorsese, I’ve seen Taxi Driver, New York, New York, The King of Comedy, The Last Waltz, Shutter Island, The Departed, and Hugo. The first few , suggestions from my Sicilian husband.😂
I have been stuffing my heart with edits.😂😂
Oh and episodes of Elementary, The Mentalist, The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, and Masterchef: The Professionals. Favorite memes are almost any involving the driving cat, the stare down cat, or the swatting cat. Giggle myself sick. 😂🐱
Your husband has fine taste, and so do you! ;-) Oh edits, they have captured my heart too. I have to check out all these shows you mentioned. And anything with cats is always good. For instance, today I saw this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT6XgM1NsqM Roflmao.
I was really chuckling at ‘chicken memory’! I don’t know what it is, or means, but it sure is funny! Thank you for ensuring that I watch Killers of the Flower Moon, that’s one glowing review. I'll prepare myself emotionally, beforehand! The Creative Gene sounds super interesting and has been added to my reading list. I’m glad you’ve been practicing for our dessert night :) “I feel things out visually and intuitively, so understandably, baking a pavlova has been a painful experience of reconfiguring myself.” 🤣 I do so love you, Nadia. Oh and yes to the weird ‘inspirational’ (?!) quote! I think this is too often used an excuse when the fact of the matter is that they just didn’t have the emotional capacity or maturity to have a potentially difficult conversation 🤷🏻♀️
Aww. Thank you so much, dear brilliant, radiant Chloe. It's an inside joke between the hubs and me. He's so forgetful, but I'm becoming so as well. We call it chicken memory (in Russian it is a saying). I hope you get to enjoy these wonders of the world and just time for fun and self. I definitely agree. It baffles me that fairly smart and wisened people think it's groundbreaking. But then again, I used to do something like that as a teen/young adult. So who am I to judge! lol
I'm going to start using chicken memory as a phrase, it's brilliant, thank you for sharing it 💗 And yes, you're right, I'm totally guilty of it myself. Only in hindsight could I see that it was just a way of getting out of doing the difficult thing! We do love to avoid difficulty, but manage to create so much of it for ourselves in trying to avoid it! Oh to be human! Thank you, dearest Nadia. I appreciate how generous you are with your compassion and wisdom.
Hahaha...I love that. I hope chicken memory catches on ;-). We live and learn and do better. It's all we can really do. I APPRECIATE your insight and wisdom, forever. Your latest essay absolutely stunned me. <3
Nadia! I’d never want you to leave Substack for any reason. You’re among the highlights of my feed. This post, included.
I must confess that I’m even less well-versed in Scorsese than you, though I have watched and Loved The Irishman and Goodfellas. I’ve only heard great things about Flower Moon, so I’ll have to watch it eventually for sure.
As for Kojima’s book, I’ve put it on my list. I’m sure it’s fascinating to see how a unique mind such as his thinks about creativity.
And the musings on relationships at the end were really interesting to follow. I think there’s a time and a place where that FB advice can and should be applied, but it’s by no means universal. I’ve tried the “cold shoulder”, “silent treatment” approach with my wife before, and it only ever leads to suffering on both our parts. Never again. Communication all the way!
I could never leave Substack where the best community and the best people like you exist! Haha. Thank you :). There's just so much to watch, plus, we grew up on other movies, so maybe that's why a lot of them passed us by. I definitely think you'll enjoy Kojima's essays. He mentions some very unique gems in storytelling, which, as a storyteller yourself, I'm sure you'll appreciate. Oh yes, those tactics do not work, only cause so much unnecessary pain. As much as we have the ego and pride and all that, it's much simpler and less painful to just talk it out and work it out right away, or pause until you can resolve it.
"I'm doing stuff, thangs." I do remember that line! Thanks for this potpourri of fantastic thangs!
Esp. the asshole part. They forgot how to be "excellent to each other". Maybe we should stick them all in a room together and have Bill and Ted run on a loop for a year.
Want to watch (Purple) Flower Moon, but 3h 30? Erf.
Hahahah. It's phenomenal dialogue. Whoever wrote it is a genius. I do always wonder what will happen if all assholes are put into one room. Hmm. You can watch the film maybe in increments? We watched half one day, the other half second day. It's actually not too bad, passes by quite smoothly. But I know, you got stuff to do, thangs.
Great post Nadia, thanks for all the work. I recently watched "The Boy and th Heron by Hayao Miyazaki. I found it completely baffling. I wondered if you've seen it. I was with my 31 year son and at the end of it I was embarrassed to say to him, "I have no idea what just happened." He felt the same. One of my long time favorite songs is by Dylan called One Too Many Mornings" sung by Jerry Jeff Walker.
Thank you so much, Weston! I absolutely want to see this animated film and will do so soon. I heard from others they were also confused seeing it the first time. It has a lot of magical realism and unrealism that reality gets blurred quite strangely. I love that song.
You'll get no pushback from me on Scorsese, not a fan, probably only seen Taxi Driver and Goodfellas - there's something about his hyper-masculine themes that just leave me cold. No question he's a good film maker, but I can't get into the stories... I say this, of course, as we have been embarking on a rewatch of all the Bond films (😂) but in our defense, we spend most of our time making fun of them and how cheesy they were. AND we just saw Thunderball which - coupled with The Spy Who Love Me and Jaws (the movie AND the Bond character) - is the source of my fear of sharks in swimming pools. 🦈😁😱
Oh my, you poor darling. Don't traumatize yourself too much! But also poor sharks; they get such a bad rep. Bahaha. I hope you're enjoying Mr. Bond. I never got into any of them. All I remember is, Brosnan was the best Bond. Daniel Craig was a mistake, until he showed himself a capable actor in Knives Out. You may be on to something. Maybe I avoided Scorsese films for this exact reason. I love to watch films where men are being manly, but I want them depicted as brave, strong, caring, not as assholes, and there were too many of those in Killers of the Flower Moon. But it called for it of course in that film.
Congrats on the pavlovas! Irritating as it must have been, they don't look like the easiest thing to make. So pat on the back for accomplishing it! Like the video games you mentioned you have a new superpower, no blood sucking required. :D
That FB quote is very millennial. XD I think it depends on the person in that case. But because something like an unfriending on FB requires no goodbye, I think this quote is basically how the world is. There is nothing romantic about the digital goodbye.
But I think there is also a good case to be made for drifting away. Maybe someone is in a weird place and there's nothing you can do about it. (the friend is in another city, or hangs out with some weird dudes) But maybe in the future they'll snap out of it? By drifting away, there's a chance to reconnect; whereas ending with a fight will most probably end things definitively.
I just read some Edgar Allan Poe to celebrate his birthday, as I always do. (Forgot to pour myself some brandy: maybe I'll do that tonight!) And now, thanks to the Steam Christmas sales, I can finally play Stray. If I meow enough, I get a bonus. :D
Thanks so much, Felix! When you figure out the ingredients and especially the oven and timing, it becomes easier and super fun. But before that, yes, it was a challenge and frustration. You're right about all these situations. We might kind of know when people need space, when we need to reach out, and it will okay to do so. But sheesh, this quote, I lived like that in my 20s, thinking people knew what they did. Except people have no idea most of the time and they're not mind readers to know you're mad at them. Poe was the bomb. I hope you had a good reading and celebration. I hope you'll enjoy Stray. It's a sweet game. Maybe someday you and your kiddo will enjoy gaming together, but make sure it won't be too soon :P.
What a gorgeous eclectic mix. I’m dying to see Killers. Even more so after reading this! Your pavlova looks tasty and I’m saving all the great baking ideas until I have a more functional kitchen again one day 😂
Thank you so much, Kathleen! Aww. I hope you'll get to bake something soon. If it's any consolation, we have such a small kitchen, no more to store anything anywhere. Somehow we manage XD.
i’m not a big movie fan either, lol! my wife now makes me watch a “classic” every Friday to get up to speed but i would rather watch the office as well
Roflmao. What are these classics? There are just too many choices. So overwhelming, I end up rewatching oldies like My Cousin Vinny. I know I will enjoy it every time 100% of the time. And The Office, always.
So very glad for this post, Nadia! As a write i admire, it’s so cool to see what inspires you and what has you thinking. The biggest thing that stood out for me was that quote on relationships. I’m definitely the person who has walked away from a relationship in silence without explanation to people who have hurt me greatly. In some cases, it was mutual and I only realised after I initiated contact again with the same results or lack of interest in actually wanting to hash out the past. Other times, it stemmed from my trouble with confrontation and conflict, believing that my silence is powerful enough to answer all questions but remaining curious past the relationship if I have dented the scar deeper by not being open and honest about my hurt and perspective. However, I don’t dwell on those moments anymore. I believe that communication is a two way street and in my case, I was usually the one driving on both most times. But I definitely love your insight on the importance of communication, especially with a life partner. I often question why my friends stay in relationships that seem to be filled with more fights than fun in my eyes but I had to accept that when you love deeply sometimes you have to fight to keep the fun.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your experience in relationships. Your heart was always in the right place, and you did your best by being committed, and even wanted to see if your relationships could evolve. In time, we learn how to be better communicators and also discern who is invested in us and who uses us. I admit in my youth I used to walk away without a word, but mostly due to not knowing how to be a good communicator. I had so much to unlearn and learn about this great quality. I use ghosting and no contact as a last resort and mostly for self-protection. Also relationships should be fun. Of course, there will be fights, but they shouldn't feel existential and oh so painful. But the people in their relationships probably know better or will learn what is best for them in the end, eventually.
I 100% agree with all of this and thank you so much for sharing your experience with communication during your youth! You are so right about those past ghosting setting us up for better communication because all in all, those who are not in our lives any longer (in regards to friendship/relationship endings) was a lesson to shape a better future. Overall, I still hold love for anyone who was important to me at one point in time regardless if we still talk or not. But I definitely know better and am more confident and aware of how to express my emotions and thought in a way to help others understand why I am acting how I act. Of course, all kudos to my old therapists that have also helped me be aware of where I can do better!
Really truly love this post, Nadia! And really hope for more ‘stuff and things’ in the future 💚 As a supporter of your community, really value how you always are so open to sharing your thoughts, insight and talent with a sense of fearlessness to how people might take it! The ones (like me) who love it, will always continue to show the love!! So thank you deeply for being a great inspiration!
When we talk about our imperfections we open up the conversation for others to share themselves as comfortably as they feel safe to do so. It's what makes us human and relatable. So I wanted to be honest and I also appreciate when others are honest about themselves too, to whatever degree they feel safe to share themselves. I'm glad it has been better for you in the communication department. And that also others have been empathetic with you. When we meet others with empathy, as long as they don't hurt us on purpose, they feel more comfortable to be themselves and be better. That has been the case for me when my husband has been so uber patient all these years when I was relearning to be a better communicator. I so appreciate your lovely comments on my posts. Fortunately, I feel that for the most part, people welcome candor, honesty, authenticity, and opinions. Your genuine nature and writing always inspire me!
Very true! I’m so grateful for discovering this writing platform that has taught me even more about how vulnerability and opening up can be a beautiful thing! What a better way to practice communicate than by writing ✨
Aggghhhh!! So much to explore here! I need to devote a day to click your links and full-body immerse. Starting now with Vampyr.
If you’re eager for a new read, I just finished Whalefall last night and oh it will silence you. O
Haha! Enjoy ;-). My goodness, Whalefall sounds outrageous and my jam! Thank you for the recommendation. Also, the word--so poetic. How do people come up with words like these? :')
Well, I learned when I read the book that it’s an actual term for the final descent of a whale into the great depths of the sea after it dies, where it becomes nourishment for so much of life. The way he describes it is quite beautiful. 🐋💙
Whales include the best terms and just unravel so beautifully. :') I must read this masterpiece.
What is Whalefall, a book, videogame?
Whale is a book by Daniel Kraus....but reading it felt like a video game.😂
I just read a synopsis and a review. It would be too scary for me but thanks for your response. BTW, I am a big fan of Nadia as well.
You two rock!
That is next-level!
Really enjoyed this read Nadia! Wow, I picked up a little! As far as Scorsese, I’ve seen Taxi Driver, New York, New York, The King of Comedy, The Last Waltz, Shutter Island, The Departed, and Hugo. The first few , suggestions from my Sicilian husband.😂
I have been stuffing my heart with edits.😂😂
Oh and episodes of Elementary, The Mentalist, The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, and Masterchef: The Professionals. Favorite memes are almost any involving the driving cat, the stare down cat, or the swatting cat. Giggle myself sick. 😂🐱
Your husband has fine taste, and so do you! ;-) Oh edits, they have captured my heart too. I have to check out all these shows you mentioned. And anything with cats is always good. For instance, today I saw this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT6XgM1NsqM Roflmao.
I was really chuckling at ‘chicken memory’! I don’t know what it is, or means, but it sure is funny! Thank you for ensuring that I watch Killers of the Flower Moon, that’s one glowing review. I'll prepare myself emotionally, beforehand! The Creative Gene sounds super interesting and has been added to my reading list. I’m glad you’ve been practicing for our dessert night :) “I feel things out visually and intuitively, so understandably, baking a pavlova has been a painful experience of reconfiguring myself.” 🤣 I do so love you, Nadia. Oh and yes to the weird ‘inspirational’ (?!) quote! I think this is too often used an excuse when the fact of the matter is that they just didn’t have the emotional capacity or maturity to have a potentially difficult conversation 🤷🏻♀️
Aww. Thank you so much, dear brilliant, radiant Chloe. It's an inside joke between the hubs and me. He's so forgetful, but I'm becoming so as well. We call it chicken memory (in Russian it is a saying). I hope you get to enjoy these wonders of the world and just time for fun and self. I definitely agree. It baffles me that fairly smart and wisened people think it's groundbreaking. But then again, I used to do something like that as a teen/young adult. So who am I to judge! lol
I'm going to start using chicken memory as a phrase, it's brilliant, thank you for sharing it 💗 And yes, you're right, I'm totally guilty of it myself. Only in hindsight could I see that it was just a way of getting out of doing the difficult thing! We do love to avoid difficulty, but manage to create so much of it for ourselves in trying to avoid it! Oh to be human! Thank you, dearest Nadia. I appreciate how generous you are with your compassion and wisdom.
Hahaha...I love that. I hope chicken memory catches on ;-). We live and learn and do better. It's all we can really do. I APPRECIATE your insight and wisdom, forever. Your latest essay absolutely stunned me. <3
Wow, it's taken me a long time to get around to reading this! But as usual, I'm awfully glad I did.
Thank you so much, Wendy! I'm delighted you enjoyed this post.
Nadia! I’d never want you to leave Substack for any reason. You’re among the highlights of my feed. This post, included.
I must confess that I’m even less well-versed in Scorsese than you, though I have watched and Loved The Irishman and Goodfellas. I’ve only heard great things about Flower Moon, so I’ll have to watch it eventually for sure.
As for Kojima’s book, I’ve put it on my list. I’m sure it’s fascinating to see how a unique mind such as his thinks about creativity.
And the musings on relationships at the end were really interesting to follow. I think there’s a time and a place where that FB advice can and should be applied, but it’s by no means universal. I’ve tried the “cold shoulder”, “silent treatment” approach with my wife before, and it only ever leads to suffering on both our parts. Never again. Communication all the way!
I could never leave Substack where the best community and the best people like you exist! Haha. Thank you :). There's just so much to watch, plus, we grew up on other movies, so maybe that's why a lot of them passed us by. I definitely think you'll enjoy Kojima's essays. He mentions some very unique gems in storytelling, which, as a storyteller yourself, I'm sure you'll appreciate. Oh yes, those tactics do not work, only cause so much unnecessary pain. As much as we have the ego and pride and all that, it's much simpler and less painful to just talk it out and work it out right away, or pause until you can resolve it.
"I'm doing stuff, thangs." I do remember that line! Thanks for this potpourri of fantastic thangs!
Esp. the asshole part. They forgot how to be "excellent to each other". Maybe we should stick them all in a room together and have Bill and Ted run on a loop for a year.
Want to watch (Purple) Flower Moon, but 3h 30? Erf.
Hahahah. It's phenomenal dialogue. Whoever wrote it is a genius. I do always wonder what will happen if all assholes are put into one room. Hmm. You can watch the film maybe in increments? We watched half one day, the other half second day. It's actually not too bad, passes by quite smoothly. But I know, you got stuff to do, thangs.
What a wonderful post, Nadia. So many different things yet woven together and held by your magic!
Aww. I appreciate your lovely comment so much, Priya! Thank you. :')
Great post Nadia, thanks for all the work. I recently watched "The Boy and th Heron by Hayao Miyazaki. I found it completely baffling. I wondered if you've seen it. I was with my 31 year son and at the end of it I was embarrassed to say to him, "I have no idea what just happened." He felt the same. One of my long time favorite songs is by Dylan called One Too Many Mornings" sung by Jerry Jeff Walker.
Thank you so much, Weston! I absolutely want to see this animated film and will do so soon. I heard from others they were also confused seeing it the first time. It has a lot of magical realism and unrealism that reality gets blurred quite strangely. I love that song.
You'll get no pushback from me on Scorsese, not a fan, probably only seen Taxi Driver and Goodfellas - there's something about his hyper-masculine themes that just leave me cold. No question he's a good film maker, but I can't get into the stories... I say this, of course, as we have been embarking on a rewatch of all the Bond films (😂) but in our defense, we spend most of our time making fun of them and how cheesy they were. AND we just saw Thunderball which - coupled with The Spy Who Love Me and Jaws (the movie AND the Bond character) - is the source of my fear of sharks in swimming pools. 🦈😁😱
Oh my, you poor darling. Don't traumatize yourself too much! But also poor sharks; they get such a bad rep. Bahaha. I hope you're enjoying Mr. Bond. I never got into any of them. All I remember is, Brosnan was the best Bond. Daniel Craig was a mistake, until he showed himself a capable actor in Knives Out. You may be on to something. Maybe I avoided Scorsese films for this exact reason. I love to watch films where men are being manly, but I want them depicted as brave, strong, caring, not as assholes, and there were too many of those in Killers of the Flower Moon. But it called for it of course in that film.
Congrats on the pavlovas! Irritating as it must have been, they don't look like the easiest thing to make. So pat on the back for accomplishing it! Like the video games you mentioned you have a new superpower, no blood sucking required. :D
That FB quote is very millennial. XD I think it depends on the person in that case. But because something like an unfriending on FB requires no goodbye, I think this quote is basically how the world is. There is nothing romantic about the digital goodbye.
But I think there is also a good case to be made for drifting away. Maybe someone is in a weird place and there's nothing you can do about it. (the friend is in another city, or hangs out with some weird dudes) But maybe in the future they'll snap out of it? By drifting away, there's a chance to reconnect; whereas ending with a fight will most probably end things definitively.
I just read some Edgar Allan Poe to celebrate his birthday, as I always do. (Forgot to pour myself some brandy: maybe I'll do that tonight!) And now, thanks to the Steam Christmas sales, I can finally play Stray. If I meow enough, I get a bonus. :D
Thanks so much, Felix! When you figure out the ingredients and especially the oven and timing, it becomes easier and super fun. But before that, yes, it was a challenge and frustration. You're right about all these situations. We might kind of know when people need space, when we need to reach out, and it will okay to do so. But sheesh, this quote, I lived like that in my 20s, thinking people knew what they did. Except people have no idea most of the time and they're not mind readers to know you're mad at them. Poe was the bomb. I hope you had a good reading and celebration. I hope you'll enjoy Stray. It's a sweet game. Maybe someday you and your kiddo will enjoy gaming together, but make sure it won't be too soon :P.
Haha. Gotta get a Nintendo Switch before she gets older. A few rounds of Mariokart and Marioparty can't hurt. :D
Mariokart is the best :'). Switch is a good idea. It has a lot of family friendly and children appropriate games.
What a gorgeous eclectic mix. I’m dying to see Killers. Even more so after reading this! Your pavlova looks tasty and I’m saving all the great baking ideas until I have a more functional kitchen again one day 😂
Thank you so much, Kathleen! Aww. I hope you'll get to bake something soon. If it's any consolation, we have such a small kitchen, no more to store anything anywhere. Somehow we manage XD.
Inspired :)
Such a great post. So multilayered. I love I Hideo Kojima.
Thank you so much, Alisa! I love Kojima too :').
also the pavlova looks amazing and you have so much patience to attempt baking that lol
Aww. Thank you. It's super fun actually. Whipping those white eggs, seeing them transform. Every time!
i’m not a big movie fan either, lol! my wife now makes me watch a “classic” every Friday to get up to speed but i would rather watch the office as well
Roflmao. What are these classics? There are just too many choices. So overwhelming, I end up rewatching oldies like My Cousin Vinny. I know I will enjoy it every time 100% of the time. And The Office, always.
just really popular movies like tonight is “Gone Girl”
That's a cray cray film. I love both the book and film. Not so much the acting.
*Return of the Obra Dinn 🤦♂️
Potato potato? XD
😉