Dear hopeful reader,
Living in a painful body is, well, painful, frustrating, and boring. So I’m grateful for my brain that imagines, that conceives weird dreams, that lives in words and pauses between those words.
I’ve been escaping the mundanity and loneliness of life through writing since I was eight, but even more fiercely at the age of fourteen to now. Having joined Substack almost a year ago(!), I realized just how much more I needed writing for my sanity and well-being—which is a lot!
I used to only write poetry, then I branched out to other forms, but to a limited extent. Writing on Substack and reading and perusing phenomenal, provoking work by other writers and creators compelled me to expand myself and experiment further.
I’ve written fiction, essays, listicles, even nonsense. My focus has coincidentally yet unsurprisingly been on video games—gamer girl since 1995 over here—but not only. There’s so much inspiration to be found in gaming, and also in cinema, music, art, culture, dialogue, words themselves.
Today I’m sharing pieces of writing I’m most proud of. Eventually the writing will be replaced by other writing I’ll be more proud of. Meanwhile, I hope there’s something for everyone to enjoy. You can also peruse the archive for more poetry, fiction, and other stuff I haven’t compiled here.
Prose
Excerpt: “I close my weary eyes, and toss and turn to oblivion. Warily, I walk the path to the conifer until dreamland swallows the waking world whole.”
Excerpt: “This biome gave up too, frozen and wasted. And yet, the pool of unknowns shivers with life. It teases me, and I cannot help but sink.”
Excerpt: “Feel the lull of the gentle wind, the waves curling and breaking in tandem and tender. While the world is falling apart, in my dream, it’s fine here on our beach, with you and I, just like it’s always been.”
Excerpt: “A witch cursed her in her dream. She told her to be beautiful she must burn to death. Ever. So. Slowly.”
Excerpt: “And so, you put on your ginchiest tux, get your kick sticks out you’re compelled to smoke at every pause, and take yourself down to the Blue Casket. It’s open mic tonight, baby, and you have a few things to wail!”
Poetry
Excerpt: “ah, she comes as she goes / in soothing, playful waves / at first, a conch shell remains / with a siren song in her place.”
Excerpt: “There is a difference between immortality and the refusal to die, albeit the lines are bloody as much as blurry.”
Excerpt: “Whom do you love? / Her cherry lips haunt me in loops.”
Excerpt: “the beach pea / towered / to heavens / dropping / silky petals / of words / so scenic / so unsung”
Excerpt: “So vast, dark waters have taken, and have taken you—whence and where you’re then and there, and now where when at all.”
Excerpt: “Downpour may dilute the sinner, / seawater retains the sin.”
Excerpt: “High upon the palm I will be / first witness to the Sun.”
Essays
Excerpt: “I believe these directors believed in their work. I believe they love the game franchise. I believe they worked hard to adapt their projects to live-action. But I think they don’t necessarily understand the RE fandom and target audience.”
Excerpt: “All that is poignantly portrayed in the adaptation. The fear of loss and loneliness. The helplessness and hopelessness of a dire situation. The love and care for one another. The determination to endure and survive together, after all. But something isn’t quite right—missing.”
Excerpt: “Life chisels a person in all kinds of ways over time, leaves imprints, bad and good, on their body and soul. Losses, diseases, misfortunes, disappointments, and exhaustion tend to do that.”
Excerpt: “In Death Stranding we’re eventually made to understand there are no clear villains. The antagonists we come into contact with are rather complicated, broken individuals fighting for their beliefs in a ravaged world. They’re humanized. Whether that’s good or bad is up for debate.”
Excerpt: “When Adrienne departed the world too soon, she was at her happiest. She was married to a loving, supportive husband, Andy Ostroy, whom she met on Match in 2001. They were in love, happy, feeling lucky.”
Excerpt: “Perhaps such a gripping and involved story could have been better adapted as a show with more fleshed-out and nuanced characters, elaborate plots, and encompassing settings.”
Excerpt: “My grandmother loved and saw magic in every season. Fiercely and fearlessly she braved every storm outside and in her life, to the end. Admirably, whenever she met someone for the first time, she would greet them with a clean slate. She saw beauty in everyone and was curious about their life story.”
More
Excerpt: “There are some words that one may never use in poetry or prose, unless the context calls for it. However, they’re so evocative that they rouse such powerful emotions and images in one’s mind, especially when you know what they mean.”
Excerpt: “One of the ways I challenged myself was watching insightful videos done by thoughtful individuals from all kinds of backgrounds. I learned to respect others’ perspectives even when I didn’t necessarily agree with them.”
Excerpt: “I would tell anyone working on a creative project to invite others into the conversation, don’t estrange them. We’re stronger and more united when we’re together.”
Excerpt: “She sang from her album There Will Be Stars, all sparrowlike and wolf—both gentle and fierce. Her music blended beautiful soundscapes of folkpop and Inuit musical genres and arrangements. She sang in English, French, and Inuktitut. The performance was more than singing, it was storytelling at its finest.”
Excerpt: “Why was I thinking of them at my most painful? Who knows. But je suis artiste, so I artisted the lamest pun I know only my husband would love, and the Facebook crowd—out of politeness, I’m sure.”
Excerpt: “Something strange subverts expectations, may make one feel sickened but riveted. A strange that you won’t unsee, won’t forget.”
Excerpt: “Lost in translation, yet the tongue of the ancients remembers when you wrap yourself around your gut and feel a tremor supreme.”
Thank you for being here, for reading my work, for leaving hearts and heartening comments, for spreading the word to others, for sharing vulnerable parts of you, too. I appreciate and adore you all more than I can express it in writing.
Yours hopefully,
Nadia
I need more time to do all your posts justice, but I arrive here after reading a few on my way to this point of comments: wow! You write so beautifully and I simply want to know more; more about your life in Kazakhstan, and adjusting to a completely different life, the onset of chronic pain, and everything else that matters to you. Congratulations for your collation thus far!
Thank you for this format! It reminds me of looking at the guide on the back of a fancy box of assorted chocolates. I really enjoy your fiction. It reminds me a bit of Jack Vance.