Guest post: "On asking 'what if?' And what could have been if it really mattered..." by Alessandro Mortellaro

Have a seat, take a deep breath. Let's talk about art and self-doubt.

Byte Your Expression

Dec 11, 2023

Occasionally on “when hope writes” I’ll publish guest posts by brilliant artists and writers. If you want to be a guest blogger on my Substack, please connect with me on LinkedIn or my website.

Today I’m sharing a contemplative, hopeful essay on our chattering mind and creativity by

Alessandro Mortellaro

, a talented writer and filmmaker and the creative mind behind

Byte Your Expression

, a lovely, supportive community of other writers and artists. You can also read the essay here.

Let me introduce myself…

Hey there, my name’s Alessandro and I’m B.Y.E.’s Founder/Editor in Chief. I’m a writer/filmmaker and marketing director for a hugeeeee upcoming short-film that was filmed in Montreal—where I happen to be from. I’m also an undergraduate studying culture, communications, and world cinema. I love to watch movies, screen write, play with my camera, and spend time with my amazing girlfriend.

Read more about me here, and discover me here!

It’s been a while, folks. And we’ve certainly added a few more subscribers since we last spoke. How exciting!

Well, welcome. I hope you’ve been enjoying our cooking so far. If you’ve consumed the preceding gourmet meals from my contributors, you might be disappointed with this happy meal. But hey, I got something to say and I think you crazy creatives can learn a thing or two. And who would turn down a happy meal anyway, right?

Child Portion - Netflix After Life Funny Moments - YouTube — From Netflix’s *After Life*

Anyway…

A lot of us love to make excuses about how we feel in any given day. We all end up believing that we are helpless at the hands of the powers that be, and that we have no choice but to wait for something—or someone—to come along and pull us out of our slumps.

But here’s a crazy thought…somewhere in between the equation of experiences → feelings → thoughts → moods → behaviour, we have…

Control

It all comes down to how we speak to ourselves. Being aware of that inner voice, observing our thoughts, and deciding whether they’re worth holding on to or even paying attention to.

What I’m talking about is what Mark Manson calls, “your two minds.”

I remember reading that article of his a few years ago and being opened up to a whole new level of mental health awareness. At the time, I also had the privilege of attending some mindfulness workshops that also complemented the idea really well.

Essentially, the idea is that you are not your thoughts. Instead, you should think of your thoughts as tangible things that you can observe. He even proves that this isn’t some esoteric idea by guiding us through a micro-meditation that makes us aware of our ability to observe thoughts as we attempt to silence them.

So let’s think about what this means for a second…

If we are not our thoughts, and instead a separate observer…that means we can only observe a certain amount of thoughts per day. If we spend most of our waking hours giving our attention to our more negative thoughts, then what does that make us? How does that play into the–experiences → feelings → thoughts → moods → behaviour–equation?

This is where control needs to come in. If we were to ask Mark Manson, he would attribute most of this control to the “second mind;” the observing mind. Acknowledging the presence of this second mind gives us the power to not just observe our stream of thought, but decide which thoughts get to make it down the stream.

Your Stream of Consciousness - Part 1: The Power to Choose | Mindful Ambition — From mindfulambition.net

Some of the thoughts that should almost never make it down that stream are those that start with…

What If…?

A lot of the more stressful times in my life can be blamed on thoughts like these.

I remember when I had submitted my first short film as my application to film school. It was my first ever hands-on experience with filmmaking as a craft. I took a really huge leap towards what was a completely newfound dream and ambition. Despite being satisfied and proud of myself for taking such a risk, and for making what I did with the limitations and the time constraints, I still thought,

What if I won’t be able to make a movie like that again? What if I don’t get accepted? What if all that effort was for nothing, and I still end up just as lost as I was before I took this leap of faith?1

Of course, time proved to me just how much those thoughts didn’t serve me. As some of you may already know, I didn’t get into film school. I have no regrets, and I now know with every fibre of my being that I can make a movie that’s way better than that first one (I can say that, it’s my movie lol).

Now that doesn’t mean we should demonize those kinds of thoughts. They occur for a reason, but it’s up to us to recognize that reason and respond to those thoughts accordingly.

If I had decided to really give those thoughts any credibility and answer them in negative ways, my internal dialogue would have pushed me to believe that I just wasn’t cut out for filmmaking.

Instead, I stayed in the moment. I enjoyed the completion of my first short film that I managed to make with only a friend acting along side me. I enjoyed thinking of what could have been if I had more time and a crew. I got inspired by what I knew I could have improved on. If I wouldn’t have had that approach, I would have taken my film school rejection much harder.

In the end, I think I actually needed the rejection. It ended up being a test of my newfound passion, which is something I needed before any kind of film school admission.

Questions for you:

How has your creative passion been tested before? How did you handle it?
What kind of thoughts plague your mind when you have doubts about your career? How have you learned to shut them up?

Check out more of reflective work by Alessandro Mortellaro below. Don’t forget to subscribe to Byte Your Expression and contribute some of your creative insight and wisdom to them as well.